I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
