the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
