I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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