Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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