I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize