sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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