I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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