they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
