I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
