she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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