We won't sleep together?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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