and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
