Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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