Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Couch. On fire.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
