oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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