we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
