what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
