i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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