Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
