Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
