the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize