Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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