Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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