Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
