He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
