I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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