I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
