Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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