I heard we made out
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
