Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
