i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
