lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
