There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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