you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
