Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
