Apparently you make a good broom.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
