You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
