Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
