He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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