worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
