i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
