Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
