He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm having to shit out rocks
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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