Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
