I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
