God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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