I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
