I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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