I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
