I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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