Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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