Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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