I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have tasted many bathrooms
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
