My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
