had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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