My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
