If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize