Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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