STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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