I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
