Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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