And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
