lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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