You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
