The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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